I don’t care how much you love someone, if you spend enough time with them you’ll understand violence. I would never lay a hand on my husband or intentionally hurt him in any way. However, the man has exceptional attention to detail. After living together for 5 years, he knows most things about me. He knows how to make me mad, he knows how to put a smile on my face, and is quite exceptional at driving me crazy in ways I didn’t know could happen.

I’m vulnerable with him. He knows things about me that I’ve never told anyone else. I don’t keep secrets from him. When we aren’t together we enjoy telling each other even the most boring parts of our days.

Being vulnerable is a scary thing, especially when you’ve been hurt before. Vulnerability allows someone to be closer to you.

All your defenses come down, you’re just you. There’s a certain level of respect that comes with being that open with someone and them choosing to continue to love, support, and be there for you.

When you get in an argument with a close friend or a spouse it’s important that you remember to honor them. With the level of intimacy that goes along with closeness it’s easy to know all the things to say to tear someone down but what’s the value in that? How you treat someone in an argument is a direct reflection of how YOU respect and love them. If the argument is getting heated and in the moment you can’t love and respect the person you’re talking to, stop talking!

People think that showing someone love is writing them love notes or getting them flowers but the genuine love that lasts is having control of what words you say even in the most heated moments of the relationship.

You may have an arsenal of terrible things you can say because you’re angry at them but truly loving and respecting someone will give you the wisdom to let go of winning an argument, being right, or having the last word said. Sometimes, the best thing to do in an argument is to walk away until you’re both in a place to talk about the issue at hand. One of the proudest moments of my adult life was stopping mid argument when I felt disrespected because the other person and I were being hostile towards each other. I told them mid argument, mid sentence even, I love you too much to keep talking to you right now. I have nothing else left to say.

They thought I was crazy! They were also feeling angry and disrespected so they kept trying to continue the argument but I met them with silence. Eventually, they also stopped talking and we sat there for about 20 minutes in silence until we were both calmed down. We ended the conversation in a calm, reasonable manner. Stopping mid argument allowed us to understand where the other person was coming from, apologize where we were wrong, and come out closer on the other side.

Attacking the people we love creates division. Loving someone doesn’t mean you win every argument. It doesn’t mean you’re always in the right either. Everyone makes mistakes but choosing to honor the other person even when it isn’t easy is essential to any long term friendship or relationship.

If you’re having a problem with this, love yourself more. Give yourself grace, humans aren’t meant to always be right. It’s easy to be on guard and ready to strike back when you’ve been wronged in the past. Heal. Allow grace and peace to enter the most jagged pieces of yourself. You deserve that. You deserve to be loved and to love those around you.