The easy thing to do when you’re upset at someone is to immediately react. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is truly a lost art. When a friend or a significant other offends you it’s super easy to automatically assume the worst. Why? I think it’s because we all secretly don’t like ourselves. What sense would it make for the person who loves you most to say something rude to you to intentionally hurt your feelings?

If your answer is yeah, that checks out you should probably work on things with them. Otherwise, what else might be going on? Is it possible you misunderstood them? Is it possible they didn’t mean to make you feel the way you feel? Lez be honest (shameless plug I know), it’s easy to assume the worst in people’s intentions when we are already feeling that way about ourselves in the first place.

Our hurt isn’t always about what the other person said, it’s truly about how we already feel about our biggest insecurities because we don’t want to be responsible for them. They have to come from someone else. Understanding what someone might be trying to say or how they might be trying to come across is the first step in emotional maturity.

Choosing to understand preserves friendships, marriages, and makes the world a better place. However, the most valuable thing it preserves is you.

The world is filled with many things, people, and words. Not all of them are kind and we owe it to ourselves to understand what kind of words are being spoken to us.

It’s possible the people who say they love us, actually do. Maybe when they said they didn’t want to start a fight, they didn’t. We are responsible for the words we say and taking ownership of how something might have come across is on the person saying them. However, the first step of preserving yourself and your emotions is realizing their intentions are arguably just as important. The people you care about are probably not the ones with bows and arrows trying to get you.

The other thing understanding someone’s intentions does is it allows the other person to see how you see. If you pause, understand where the person might be coming from, and explain to them how their words made you feel. They can understand. They can see how you see yourself. In the moment we forget the people we love aren’t mind readers. It’s impossible for our loved ones to know the things we’re insecure about until we tell them.

Mutual understanding is where healing takes place.

It isn’t complicated but it does require effort. Easier said than done, I know but what if we all did that? Instead of jumping to conclusions we realize everyone probably isn’t a jerk and out to get us. Maybe, we simmer before we respond. You deserve that, I deserve that. We could make the world a little bit better place or some crap like that.

What do I know tho, I’m just a guy with a keyboard and a whole lot to say.